Greeting Sunny Optimists,
Well now, as we say in Scotland, ‘the nights are fair drawin’ in,’
This expression captures our experience of the shortening of the days, and the recognition of the darkness coming earlier and earlier. It signals a time of going within and moving into the quieter reflective nature of this time of year. I so love that sense of wrapping myself up to shelter from the wind. I also cherish the ‘cozying in’ at home as I close the curtains and turn on the lamps each night.
I have this romantic Dickensian image in my mind of buffering myself against the elements as I settle into the bosom of the approaching winter. Mmmmm.
I appreciate the Dickensian-inspired picture above with the warmth of hospitality beaming out of the windows. The image captures the heralding of the festive season as we set out to connect with family and friends around each of our metaphorical hearths.
I wonder how you see this time of year and what memories this picture evokes for you?
As always, I would love to hear from you. It brightens my day.
The Emotional Fluency of a Child
Talking of being with our families. Yesterday, I spent the day with my two daughters Judy and Rachel, and my young grandson Noah. He recently started Forest School, and it has been a bit of an emotional journey for him. Due to the pandemic, he has spent most of his time with close family. Then, come this autumn, the time arrived for Noah to start Nursery, where he is away for a period of time each day with people he does not know.
It was a real culture shock for the wee soul.
What I love about my daughter, and I see it with my stepdaughter, too, is how aware they both are of the potential trauma of everyday life experiences for their kids. They seem to me to be much more engaged in helping their children express emotional challenges than I was. I know I was a good Mum, but I did not have the same awareness of the need for this as I see with them.
I do like to hear little anecdotes about Noah's experiences. So here is a fun example of Judy and Noah talking about feelings. Imagine Noah sitting in the back of the car heading for Forest School, and Judy asked how he was feeling about going.
He said, 'I am feeling nervous and excited,'
and then said,
'Mummy, isn't it amazing that I can have two feelings at the same time?'
Is that not delightful? For a soon-to-be four-year-old to recognise his feelings is terrific. But, then, being able to discern the difference between them and be aware of the interplay of these feelings is just lovely.
Writing this today took me to the work of Peter Levine and Maggie Kline, which is captured in their excellent book Trauma Proofing Your Kids: A Parents' Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy, and Resilience. The authors clearly state that trauma is part of everyday life, and they balance this by explaining that resilience is also a part of our lives. They describe resilience as 'the capacity we all possess to rebound from stress and feelings of fear, helplessness and overwhelm.'
The book offers parents practical suggestions, like the poster above, combined with level-headed guidance. This support, in turn, builds the parents' resilience as they feel more empowered and less concerned about getting it wrong!
The book covers significant trauma events and how to respond to them. But, what I found most interesting was how paying attention to day-to-day challenges builds the child's capacity to handle situations as they arise. I see Judy has been doing recently, and Noah has settled in well at Nursery despite the early challenges.
Questions for this Week
In these testing times, it feels vital to ‘trauma proof’ ourselves too. This week, I came across a book called The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal, which I will write about in another Sunny Optimist. It has some messages around stress that I find intriguing. For now, though, my questions for you this week are;
What feels important to you in the territory of emotional fluency?
Have you examples of healthy ways of building resilience?
How do you help the children in your life to express themselves?
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.
Ann
You’ve given us lots to contemplate. As usual, it’s rich and deep—thank you, beloved Ann!! xo
Thank you Ann. This time of year brings a sigh of relief. Ahhhh and Mmmmm - at last a rest. The garden now in its slumber and I can tend to my inner world a little more.
It lifts my heart to hear about Noah's emotional intelligence.
Nourishing relationships with my friends support my healthy building of resilience - thank you for your friendship.